we never are what we intend, or invent

its not about taylor anymore

but, I want her to sleep in our bed

Worked 8-5 today, it went by pretty fast. Kinda upset Shay left mid shift, but she didn't feel good and neither did her son so I understood why she wanted to go home. These 9hr shifts have gotten so much better, there not so long and I'm not staring at the clock so much, I'm getting back into the swing of things (:

When I came home today there was a letter from MassHealth, FINALLY! I've been waiting for this letter for 3months, opened it, denied. Are you kidding me? Ian makes more than I do, he works more than I do and HE even gets MassHealth. It gave reasons as to why I got denied and one of them was "not a parent of a child under 19" WTF?! They really are trying to say I'm not a parent, when I sent in all of Auggie's info when I sent in my application. August is under Ian's insurance though? When we were in the hospital, some insurance lady came in my room at like, 6am telling me she was going to put us all under a family plan and all she needed was 2 of Ian's pay stubs, and my birth certificate. She told me she already had Auggie's info so all she needed was ours, which didn't make much sense because Ian already has health insurance through them. Well, a month ago I got a 900$ medical bill in the mail from the hospital and I called that lady and freaked on her, and she kept telling me she was taking care of it so I believed her. They sent another bill for 900$ today and I got soo mad to the point where I balled my eyes out, because it just never ends, it's always something.

I havent worked in 3months, I had no income whatsoever, their so STUPID, and so is that stupid insurance lady, she put Ian and August on a family plan but left me out of it, and now MassHealth is telling me I dont have a child -.- I'm going to the hospital tomorrow and flipping on that stupid lady, NOT how I wanted to spend my day off but, oh well I guess.

Ian's been kinda mad at me lately, not really mad just, doesn't agree with Auggie sleeping in the bed with us. She falls asleep around 11 or 12 in her swing in the living room (she hates her crib) then she wakes up around 4 or 5 to eat and after she eats I bring her in the bed with us. I know it'll become a problem in the future if I dont stop but I like when she sleeps with me, it makes me happy. I have more of a problem now then I think she ever will, I never want her to sleep in her bed, I want her to sleep in mine ):

I hope Rosie texts me in the morning to go for a walk, because if she doesn't, I don't like I'll go for a walk at all. My food journal has been coming along, not dieting yet, just what I normally eat to show Bowman. I must say, 2 cookies for breakfast sounds pretty good to me (;

i hope she's ok

10-4 is a quick shift, I worked with some good people today. I like working a shift where everyone talks to me, it's not uncomfortable and the whole day is just tons better. I thought a lot about the whole situation with Sean not talking to me at work, at first it sucked because I hate feeling awkward and I hate making other people feel awkward but I figured it's better off that we don't speak. When we did talk, all we did was argue and disagree about everything. Im at the point where I just dont care anymore. Ian told me to just go to work, do my job, come home and not to worry about things that dont benefit my life. I think I'll actually listen to him for once.

I bought the new Uby Kotex stuff, I love all of it to death, their all so cute. I also bought Midol, Motrin, a new purse, cookies and Bio Oil (thanks sam) god, it doesn't sound like its that time of the month at all -.- my pms has gotten so bad. I mean, I was pretty mean before I got pregnant when I had my period but now, it seems like it got so much worse. I've yelled at Ian so many times in the last two days, I feel so bad. My head is just pounding and nothing is making it go away.

My Nana watched August today until Ian got out before me at 330, and she told him that she has been sneezing all day =/ Auggie sneezes but not a lot like my Nana explained. Lately she sounds all conjested too, I think shes allergic to something. Theres cats and dogs downstairs, pollen in the air, I dont know, it could be anything. I really hope she's ok, she has a doctors app. Thursday for her eyes and I think I might just ask the doctor then about her having allergies. I hope her eyes are ok too. Last time we went to the doctors, the doctor flashed the light back and forth in her eyes and she didn't follow it at all.. so the doctor wanted to see her three weeks after that day to check them again just to be safe.

I bought a notebook to write down all the things I eat throughout the day. Bowman said he'de look over it and see where my problem areas are and help me diet right. He's a trainer at a gym so I trust him to help me diet more than myself. Him and his girlfriend want to try the vape so I invited them over whenever their both free, I hope they actually come over, their good people (: I invited Kyle to come over Tuesday and hang too, he said he will so I'm pretty excited to not be alone all day until Ian comes home. Me and Auggie always enjoy company (: I need to go watch 16 and Pregnant, even though it makes me want to rip all my hair out, bye!

few hours alone

I would of updated later on but Ian gets out of work today at 3 and we will finally have some time together. Rosie came over this morning to get August, her and Brandon are taking her to the zoo today while I try and get some errands done. I need to clean the house, do some laundry, and make a trip to the south end at some point. I hope I can get a manicure at some point too, I think I deserve it.

I straightened my hair this morning, I'm trying to think of little ways to make myself feel better considering all my confidence went out the window after looking at my stomach when August was born. It's all stretched out and I gained 50lbs when I was pregnant so it's really hard to lose it all, especially when Ian eats whatever he wants and doesnt gain a pound.

Before I got pregnant I could eat 3 packages of cookies and not gain a pound, now, if I eat one cookie I gain 5 pounds -.- I guess all my hormones changed after having a baby so bye bye fast metabolism. My uterus is still all swollen too so I still look 5months pregnant, it's weird. My weight kinda bounces from 154-160. I've never been so heavy in my life, it bothers me.

Now that I'm back at work it's hard to motivate myself to go for walks because I'm soo tired after work, my feet KILL. My feet never bothered me before I got pregnant, now if I work a 9hr shift, it feels like I have knives in my heels. Maybe I need to get new shoes too, who knows.

I need to find a reaaaally good stretch mark reducer product, BAD. I've heard of so many of them but I don't know which one works, I don't want to go through 12 of them and finally find the right one, hm.

Its really nice out, I should hurry up and finish my laundry! bye!

all new me

It's so weird that a person so small could change your whole outlook on life. Before I was so concerned with everyone else and all their problems, but August made me realize it's not about that anymore. Its about my family, making money and keeping myself happy without the help from anyone else. I was on maternity leave for about 3months, I recently went back Wednesday and it was tough, it still is. I miss August and being home with her all the time. Work sucks, I'm ignored and I'm already overwhelmed with times, weights, etc. I'm glad T gave me good hours though, I can't complain.

Its only 10:30 and Im exhausted, I feel like an old person :P I wish Auggie was as tired as I am right now. Shes hungry, then shes not, then shes tired, then shes crying, all in the matter of seconds. This child refuses to let anyone sleep it seems! Oh well, I still love her (:

Too bad my kitchen isnt done, and too bad Mum's shepards pie made my belly hurt =/ gnight!


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